“So, I have to” seems always to kill grace. After all, if “I have to,” then it must not be grace.

Clever teenagers have been going down this route for centuries – or at least since I was a teenager. We try to work guilt into the equation.

My mom used reverse guilt on me. One Sunday, after my whining complaints about going to church, she said, “Then never mind. I don’t want to feel like a warden.” I felt so guilty I went into the ministry.

Every single parent drawing breath has struggled with the question: “Will I make my child hate church if I make her go now?”

First of all, you are not responsible for what your child feels about church 10 years down the road. You are responsible for doing what is right for your child while he or she lives with you.

So, here are a few grace-filled reasons for taking your child to church.

1. It’s a commandment.

That’s right, one of the first 10 rules God set up is that one day should be different from all others. The Creator programmed us with a need to worship – not for him, but for us.

We are souls, not really possessing a soul, but being a soul. We are spiritual in nature. To neglect that part is to starve ourselves.

Increasingly, the other six days are ganging up on Sunday, and you will have to fight traveling soccer teams and “the only day we have to ourselves” mindset.

But keep fighting. Your child needs it, and so do you.

2. We need stillness.

The church should be a place for reverence and a sense of holiness. That’s why I prefer the term “sanctuary” to “worship center.” We need holy places and holy times.

Probably the most constant complaint you will face from your omniscient teenager is that church is boring. They’re right! When you compare us to Beyonce or One Direction, we are boring.

The very worst thing you can do as a parent is to plead with the ministers to somehow make the worship service more interesting and fun for children and youth. It’s a perfect wedge issue.

Your child pledges to want to go to church if only the church would be more like Disney World. So, you come to us and want us to be entertaining.

Sorry, eternal is the key. Not entertainment.

3. Your child needs community.

We can’t worship in separate demographic groups and have anything vaguely resembling a church.

We need children and youth ministries with plenty of activities, but one hour a week teens need to stand next to senior adults and singles with married families. All God’s children need to sing “Worship the King” and hear a message from an ancient and timeless book.

The young need our wisdom, and the elders need the energy and imagination of youth, just as much as the eye needs the ear and the head needs the feet. Worship is the best way to give expression to our unity in Christ.

4. Everyone needs Jesus.

Many things become clearer and clearer as I get older and this simple truth is among them: I don’t care who you are or where you are in life, you need Jesus.

Your child simply will not learn about the love of God and the books of the Bible anywhere else. How many adults today wish they knew more about the Bible?

They will not grow up with the familiar Bible stories and see new meaning as they go through the years. You can’t learn to look at life through the eyes of Jesus unless you spend regular time with him.

I enjoy church. I really do. And I’ve never been in a worship service where I didn’t find something eternal and sustaining.

Not making your child go to church ironically deprives them of a grace they are likely to need that week.

Keep up the struggle. All parents have fought this battle. Someday your child will thank you for your dedication.

Terry Ellis is the pastor of Broadmoor Baptist Church in Baton Rouge, La. A version of this column first appeared on his website, Grace Waves, and is used with permission.

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