The bright yellow “Clearance” sign at Lowe’s was affixed to a replacement exterior door — when I was in need of one. I hustled over to check out the “deal.”

The total price deduction was 5 percent. Excuse me, Lowe’s management, but that is not a “Clearance” price.

When I am finally put in charge of the world, putting the word “Clearance’ on anything that is not marked down by at least 50 percent will be a punishable crime. In this case, I would sentence the person at Lowe’s who came up with this deceptive practice to a month of daily mopping floors at the Home Depot.

The Atlanta Braves have announced that cash will not be accepted in the Turner Field parking lots during the upcoming series with the New York Yankees — which is expected to draw huge crowds. Instead, attendees must purchase a “discounted” parking permit online.

The cost of stadium parking is $12. At the Braves website, I was given the wonderful opportunity to purchase the parking pass at the “discount” price of $10.

However, the Braves hold the slimy online hands of Ticketmaster — who tacked on three, yes, THREE different fees. There was a “service” fee, a “convenience” fee and then one for the privilege of printing out my own pass using my own paper and my own expensive color copier ink.

The “discount” price resulted in my cost for parking for the upcoming Braves-Yankees game to change from the usual $12 to $16.55. Thanks a ton!

With deals like those at Lowe’s and the Braves, who can resist putting money back into the economy?

The intentional misuse of words for financial gain is offensive. But the business world is not the only offender.

While usually less intentional, we routinely misrepresent even more important words that we claim — like love, commitment, justice, understanding, caring and patience.

For me, especially patience.

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