Safe Places

Occasionally, I find myself an “outsider” when it comes to church life. The authentic comments, feelings and experiences I offer scare people. 

If you are like me, you might think the cost is too high when it comes to fitting in or being falsely offered “safe places.” I refuse to be in church circles where I am pressured to change for an empty feeling of “belonging.” 

I refuse to compromise my faith and knowledge that God accepts everyone. I refuse to fit in if it means betraying my sense of self.

Maybe you feel the same. 

You are tired of forcing yourself to be something you are not. Or, you are sick of attending religious gatherings that do not make space for all.

What is a safe place? In the church, we talk about embracing everyone and creating “safe places.” Do we mean it? Do we want it to happen? 

There is a difference between “creating a safe place” and doing the work to get there. I hear a lot about people being welcoming and accepting, but I often don’t see the actual work and commitment.

Words mean nothing if you have no actions behind them. “Safe places” are often nothing more than places that mask judgment. 

Those who seek genuine places to be heard and welcomed see right through these facades. They see the looks and body language. They can feel an atmosphere of judgment and closed-mindedness.

“Outsiders” are driven off when they realize they are being asked to fit in rather than belong. I think many don’t know the difference. 

Fitting in tells you to adapt everything to the church to be welcomed by the church. It means keeping your feelings, thoughts, and personality to yourself. 

On the other hand, belonging says, “I’ll accept you exactly as you are.” It clarifies, “I truly see you and hear you.”

To create safe places in a church, we must consider authenticity and genuine belonging. We must suspend judgment and embrace listening to “outsiders.”

The earliest groups of Christians faced this dilemma. After Peter welcomed Cornelius, a Gentile, into a group of Jewish Jesus followers, early Christians were faced with accepting “outsiders.”

To them, the Gentiles were “unclean” and “other.” Yet, in Acts 15, the Council of Jerusalem officially welcomed Gentiles into the faith without forcing Jewish customs upon them.

Since official religion was still different from reality, Jewish and Gentile Christians continued to face division and exclusion. Paul addressed this throughout his letters.

In Galatians 3:28, he reminds us, “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Paul’s words still ring true today. Like the Council of Jerusalem, we have something to learn about putting aside our fitting in customs and authentically accepting another person.

In Christ, there is no reason for not having safe places. There is no reason why we shouldn’t embrace each other.

True belonging begins with accepting this. There is no “us-versus-them” mentality. 

We follow a savior who embraces “outsiders.” He didn’t hold on to anything, including limited beliefs or religious customs, if it meant pushing someone away.

Creating safe places not only means an external shift in written terminology but also an inward and outward striving for true belonging.