An ad promoting a trip to Glacier National Park

Christians are getting better and better at cooking up their own sanctified books, movies, music and television programs. But imagine a world where even everyday objects are marked with religious significance.

But imagine a world where even everyday objects are marked with religious significance.

No need to imagine, that world is here. Whether believer or blasphemer, one can find any number of wacky religious items on the Web.
Sites like MadChickenTown.com, JesusChristSuperstore.net and Ship-of-Fools.com offer a wide-range of religious gadgets—some holy, some heinous.

You wake up in the morning to Handel’s “Messiah” blaring from your “Hallelujah Clock” and head to the shower. Depending on your conscience you may choose to use your “Wash Away Your Sins” soap. If you are feeling particularly holy, you might opt for the “Glow Mary Soap,” which has a figurine of the Holy Mother encased within.

After your ritual cleansing, you get dressed, put on your “Sacred Sneakers,” complete with “Holy Steps” insoles all the way from Tel Aviv, and slap on your WWJD bracelet.

You check your “Mother Teresa Barometer” on your way out the door. Her habit is blue and that means sunshine!

Your “Buddy Christ” dashboard diety greets you as you get into your car. You take a deep breath, inhaling the sweet, sweet spiritual scent of your “Jesus Saves” air freshener before you head off to run your holy morning errands.

Upon returning home, you remember to wipe your feet on the “Jesus Christ in Majesty” hearth rug before retreating to the kitchen for a “Heaven’s Best” chocolate bar. “Taste and see that the Lord is good!”

But chocolate goes straight to the thighs. You pull out your “Praise Workout” video, “a unique combination of lycra and liturgy,” and try to get “slim for Him” with a workout that “strengthens the heart and soul.”

After a dinner of tacos with “Religious Experience” salsa and hot sauce, it is time to put up your new “Fruit of the Spirit” wallpaper.

Hard work deserves a break so you belly up to the eating bar and pour yourself a cold one in your favorite “12 Apostles” pewter stein.
Now time for a little “Curse-Free TV.”

A glance at your “Repent” wristwatch reminds you that not only is it time to seek forgiveness, but it is time for bed. You grab your “Goodnight Jesus” rag doll, turn on your “Jesus Night Lamp” and hit the hay.

Before nodding off you remember tomorrow you must pull out the “Pet Baptizing Kit” and make sure Spot’s eternal place in Heaven is secure … right after you oil your “Moses Nutcracker.”

Jodi Mathews is BCE’s communications director.

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