Ten Lessons On my 55th Birthday

Next week, yours truly celebrates another trip around the sun. On August 12, I will be celebrating my 55th birthday.

It’s a milestone for me because, as a child, the first birthdays I remember celebrating with my grandparents were their fifty-fifth birthdays. All of that to say, I’m growing older.

Throughout my life, I’ve never concentrated too much on aging. Thirty, forty and fifty came and went without my descending into the despair of entering a new decade.

Yet my birthdays on the fives have always been moments for me to reflect on and look forward to. Perhaps it’s the nature of being halfway through a decade, but I find these milestone moments to be good opportunities for self-reflection.

So on my fifty-fifth birthday week, I want to share some thoughts as I inch ever so closer to sixty.  These are not some proverbial lessons to live by, but observations I have gleaned over the fifty-five years I’ve been walking on this planet. So, I hope you enjoy them!

Embrace Growing Old, It’s the New Adolescence

Robert Frost once wrote, “The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.”

Entering each phase of life, I did so with great excitement and expectation. At twenty-five, thirty-five, and forty-five, those moments were filled with unique opportunities and somber realities.

Becoming a husband and father in my twenties grounded and inspired me to think and live beyond myself. Embracing my role as a pastor in my thirties helped me navigate the highs and lows of life. And as my forties rolled around, the world started to enlarge for me, as various cultures and ideas began to stir my mind and trouble my soul.

Now, at fifty-five, I find myself knocking on the door of a new phase, thinking more about the generations that will follow me. I genuinely want to leave the world a better place than I found it. Embracing aging, for me, means making choices that will benefit those who will follow me.

It also means embracing my second adolescence— moving forward with great expectations but doing so with decades of wisdom. Life is still fun at fifty-five, but I want to ensure my enjoyment enhances life for the generations that will come after me.

Curiosity Kills the Cat, But Changes the World

In one of my favorite scenes from the TV series Ted Lasso, the American soccer coach plays darts in an English pub with his arch-nemesis. Coach Lasso recounts a story from his childhood about seeing a sign with a quote from Walt Whitman. The quote read, “Be curious, not judgmental.”

The folksy coach recalls how people had underestimated him all his life. And while many people judged him for his down-home ways, few inquired about him as a person.

Curiosity may kill the cat, but it also can change the world. Curiosity led scientists to find life-altering discoveries, artists to create beautiful paintings and sculptures, theologians to think more deeply about God, revolutionaries to develop the potential for self-governance, pastors to dream of new days ushering in equality and friends, making new friends, because they dared to utter the words, “It’s nice to meet you. Tell me a little about yourself.”

Curiosity is an invitation into a relationship, one that doesn’t judge but is inquisitive, with the hope of discovery. Curiosity—not judgment—extends the hand of interest, seeking to know a person for who they truly are and not as the world defines them. Be cautiously curious, moving forward with more questions than answers.

Patience is a Virtue, But So Too is Drive

For anyone who knows me, I am a driven person. Throughout my life, I have been driven by both a curiosity for what can be and a desire to make the world a better place.

More often than not, I find myself like the Apostle Paul when he wrote to the Romans (8:25), “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”

The balance between patience and drive can be a delicate process of weighing potential consequences. I readily admit I’m impatient with being patient, because my passion for justice often blinds me to possible outcomes. However, I also understand the remarks of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. when he wrote from the Birmingham jail, “Wait has also always meant never.”

Patience and justice are not mutually exclusive. One must possess both drive and patience as worldly systems attempt to stifle drive and test patience. The balance between drive and patience offers a path forward for all those wanting to “do justice and love kindness and walk humbly with your God.”

Cherish the Past, But Don’t Live in It

As a history enthusiast, I am captivated by stories from our past. From biblical narratives to present-day stories, I find solace in humanity’s triumphs, challenges and failures.

History has a way of teaching me lessons I could not have otherwise learned if it were not for people’s stories. They are stories of inspiration, frustration, injustice, victory, sacredness and heartbreak, among other emotions.

History has been one of my most outstanding teachers. History reveals the honesty of historical content, measured against the inspiration for a better tomorrow.

Yet, some of the greatest lessons were those when history held tight while humanity attempted to silence them. Two of my greatest lessons learned, which came later in life, were from the Native American Boarding Schools and the race massacre in the Greenwood District in Tulsa—two stories covered up by oppression yet set free by justice.

Embracing an honest telling of history does not mean an indictment of the whole, but instead permits humanity to learn from past mistakes and live for a better tomorrow. This is my hope for the generations that follow me. Learn from my mistakes so that you do not repeat them.

We can cherish the past without living in it, for just as Jesus reminded us, “Let the dead bury the dead,” for we are children of this moment.

Live in the Moment, They are Fleeting

Theodor Giesel, writing as Dr. Seuss, penned these immortal words through one of his most majestic characters, The Cat in the Hat, “How did it get so late so soon? It’s night before it’s afternoon.  December is here before it’s June. My goodness, how the time has flown. How did it get so late so soon?”

As fifty-five years settle into my bones, I find myself recalling the past. I miss summer nights of staring at the stars with my cousins, the smell of pine tar and freshly cut grass as I strolled up the batter’s box, reading and researching while studying at college and seminary, the laughs and cries of being part of a young family, the lazy Sunday afternoons watching Harry Potter with my boys while eating popcorn and Oreos, the “lightbulb” moments when delivering a sermon to a congregation, and that memorable moment when Missy and I found an old jazz club on a rainy day in New Orleans.

If there is one lesson I’ve tried to keep throughout my years, it is “live in the moment.” We can get so consumed with worrying about the now and planning for the future that we forget to live in the moment.

Time is fleeting, so take more and more moments to look and enjoy your surroundings. Life can be tough, but there is beauty to be found if you look around.

Evaluate Wisely, Move Forward Boldly

This lesson is similar to the one on patience and drive. Over the years, I’ve learned gaining wisdom through evaluation can lead to moving boldly forward.

French surgeon and biologist Alexis Carrel claimed, “A few observations and much reasoning lead to error; many observations and a little reasoning to truth.”

Moving forward boldly can often feel unreasonable, but if you take your time with thorough evaluations, then risk shrinks as faith emerges. Acting rashly is not acting boldly. Boldness does not throw caution to the wind.

On the contrary, boldness uses caution to its advantage. Through careful observation and reflection, boldness grows as the conscience is filled with facts and courage. Combined, facts and courage can change the world.

Invest in Relationships, Divest in Things

American capitalism convinces us that to win at life, we must have the biggest and best things at the end of our lives. The “American Dream” turned into the “American Nightmare” at some point during our lifetime.

In our pursuit of the “American Nightmare,” we’ve accumulated a crippling amount of debt. According to CNBC, the average American now holds $90,460 in debt.

Our need to keep up with the neighbors increases pressure on families and individuals, overextending our wants with our means. If we continue to invest in material things throughout our lives, then at the end of our lives, all that will be left will be a modest estate sale.

Jesus said, “So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God” (Luke 12:21). What are the “things” that would make a person rich toward God? If we’re taking Jesus at this word, it begins and ends with love—love of God, love of others and love of self.

We must divest ourselves in the pursuit of the “American Nightmare” while reinvesting ourselves in relationships that matter. Relationship investing will be the greatest return on investment you ever make.

Learn to Love Yourself so that You Can Love Others

Investing in relationships starts with learning to love yourself.

The Great Commandment (Mark 12:28-34) often gets stripped of one crucial detail. In loving God and loving our neighbors, Jesus tells his listeners to love their neighbor as they should love themselves.

In all honesty, this could very well be the biggest reason we have for not loving our neighbors—because we have not learned to love ourselves.

In Act 1, Scene 3, of Shakesphere’s Hamlet, Polonius says to his son Laertes, “To thine own self be true.” These words emphasize the importance of genuinely accepting oneself for who one is.

And, who are you? You are a child of God, made perfectly in their image. You were formed by divine hands, utilizing beauty and light, evolving into a creation worthy of agency and love.

You are a broken vessel, cracked by the unjust systems and untruths of this world, but you are who you are and you can be no less. You are loved by God and loved by others, so open your heart to love yourself.

Find a Walking Partner, Because the Journey is Long

Fifty-five years seems like a long walk, with winding valleys and lofty peaks along the way. At times, I have made the trek alone but it’s always been a better experience to share the road with a walking partner. Whether a team or a spouse, experiencing life with others generates relational investments and creates organic communities.

Before embarking on his three-year ministry, Jesus secured some companions for the journey. As the Son of Man, Jesus could have traveled alone, but his desire for companionship and the necessity of mentorship established the need for community in one’s life. We all need to love and be loved.

Finding a walking partner can be difficult and your journey may give you a few partners throughout your life. But never give up on the idea that a strong community can provide you the support, accountability and encouragement you need.

For the last thirty years, I have found a reliable walking companion. Missy and I have walked a variety of roads, some wonderful and some not so much. However, through it all and with each step, I am comforted and inspired that she is with me.

Beliefs Change, Faith Endures

My final lesson at fifty-five is an important one. For over five decades, I’ve learned one thing that never changes: life is constantly changing.

Sometimes, life changes for the worse, but often it’s simply life pushing humanity to be better. And the one way we can become better is by opening our hearts and minds to change.

Over the years, my beliefs have changed. My theology, politics and other aspects of my life have evolved in response to new experiences or knowledge.

As I grow older, I have come to realize I no longer need more answers to life; instead, more questions feed my soul. Questions feed my curiosity while answers often render finality, leading to judgment.

Instead of pursuing answers, I am dedicating myself to pursuing questions. Curiosity and questions do not accept belief as their final answer. They strive for more questions with a curious mindset. The pursuit of questions—not answers— leads to a life of faith. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians (Second Cor. 5:7), “For we walk by faith, not by sight.”

As my beliefs have changed over the years due to my inquisitive nature, my faith has remained constant. To be honest, the more questions I’ve asked through the years, the less I know about God, but for some odd reason, the unknown has made my faith grow even stronger.

Saint Sammy Was Right

In conclusion, as I turn fifty-five next week, one rock-and-roll song keeps coming to mind. The immortal words of Saint Sammy Hagar keep playing in my head:

“One foot on the brake and one on the gas, hey.

Well, there’s too much traffic, I can’t pass, no.

So I tried my best illegal move.

A big black and white come and crushed my groove again.”

“Go on and write me up for 125.

Post my face, wanted dead or alive.

Take my license, all that jive.

I can’t drive 55, oh no, uh.”

Here’s to 55, the road ahead, and all the speed limits needing to be broken!