Finding a “Good Enough Therapist”

In “Complex PTSD,” Pete Walker introduces the concept of a “good enough therapist.”

As a practicing therapist for over 20 years, I appreciate his perspective because many therapists lack essential components in their work. I have worked with adults of all kinds who presented with a variety of personal, relational, spiritual and mental concerns. 

Therapists need some skills to be effective. 

First, they need to be equipped with appropriate knowledge for the populations they work with. My primary professor for my Masters in Family Psychology degree once said that most graduates quit reading after they received their credentials. I was shocked. 

I had been a full-time pastor for over 27 years and could not conceive of not studying, learning, reading or researching. The same is true of my time as a therapist. 

We are learning so much that wasn’t included in our formal education. It will always be like that. Therapists can never stop learning. 

But knowledge is not enough. Therapists must have the capacity to empathize with their clients. 

The same professor who spoke about the need for continued learning also said, “Regardless of what framework you practice from, your clients will get better if they know you care about and are willing to listen to them.” Empathy is vital in all helping professions. 

One of the most sobering moments I experienced in my practice was with a couple who were practicing an alternate marriage lifestyle. 

At one point, the wife looked at me and said, “You really care about us. Don’t you?” Surprised, I replied, “I care about all my clients, and yes, I care about you.” 

I was unprepared for her response, “I can’t tell you how many counselors we have seen, but none of them cared about us.”

Good enough therapists care about their clients. It is essential the client knows that because trust grows when empathy is present. 

Good enough therapists are curious about themselves, others, relationships and the world. The non-curious therapist will never find connections, look back into the client’s history or learn about new insights or available treatments. 

They are unwilling to understand the incredible complexity of the person before them. Non-curious therapists are reluctant to embrace the myriad options and understandings of spirituality or lifestyles people embrace. 

Good enough therapists listen to their clients. They listen as they tell their story. 

They listen for unspoken clues, often kept secret until trust and confidence are attained. They listen for emotions or the lack thereof. 

A pedophile predator showed up at my home years ago, dragging his wife along to confront me for “getting him fired.” 

I had not, but in our conversation in my living room, I asked him, “If you believe I have ruined your career, reputation, and life, where is the anger for me?” 

It wasn’t about what he said. It was all about what he didn’t say, didn’t express, and didn’t feel. 

Good enough therapists listen and sometimes feel comfortable with the silence during moments of confession, confusion, regret, remorse, or simply profound sadness and grief. 

So the obvious question is, “How does one find a ‘good enough therapist?’” 

Good enough therapists come from all ages and all walks of life. Often, one’s pastor or pastoral staff have a list of proven helpful counselors. 

A troubling concern is when a pastor has no idea who to refer a parishioner to. Friends who have found a particular therapist helpful can often be a pointer for a friend in need. Physicians can frequently refer their patients to “good enough therapists.”

While it may seem like some serious work to identify a therapist you are comfortable working with, the effort will be rewarded with a good connection and progress. 

And if, on the off chance, you end up with a therapist who goes to sleep in the session, well, a narcoleptic therapist, just quietly get up and leave—and don’t ever return.