In a recent Good Faith Media column, Brad Jeffcoat called for compassion toward transgender individuals. This issue is uniquely personal, as I identify as non-binary.
Transgender folks are my close cousins. I inhabit a gray area between male and female, but would not classify myself as purely male or purely female.
I do, however, wear traditionally female clothing like dresses and skirts. I’m careful not to dress as I would like just anywhere, mostly out of fear that I’ll be the victim of violence from those who are intolerant and bigoted.
I wish this weren’t so, and living in Alabama makes things more challenging. However, aside from a few enclaves here and there, I would encounter the same attitudes everywhere in the United States.
Most of what I receive from the outside world is what I would term polite discomfort. A few random people are outright nasty, but fortunately, they are the minority.
Jeffcoat called people like me “brave.” I would agree with his assessment, but sometimes the burden is too heavy, and I am tempted to lay it down. It’s a severe challenge to push back against the status quo of our society.
Truthfully, I’m often exhausted, and I find the path of least resistance is to put back on traditionally male clothing.
Aware of how masculine my body looks, I tried hormone replacement therapy on two separate occasions, but I wasn’t able to tolerate the side effects. Estrogen would have softened and feminized my body with time, but people don’t realize that the end results take years and that the results vary dramatically from person to person.
I’m aware that my outsides don’t match my insides or the way I feel about myself and my body image. That’s a peculiarly jarring aspect for all people who identify as non-binary or transgender, as I do.
But I do encounter many allies, some well-meaning, some very earnest in their desire to be accepting. I appreciate the gesture and don’t get annoyed. I will take a slightly overzealous ally over someone who is hateful any day.
I try to keep in mind what it was like for me when I first encountered someone transgender or non-binary dressing in clothing typically worn by the opposite sex. It took some adjustment, but at no point did I respond out of hatred.
My family is not especially supportive of my decision to dress as I have. They mistake my steps toward embracing my identity to the fullest as being brainwashed by LGBTQ propaganda. Unfortunately, many people still see matters in those terms, particularly when it comes to close family members.
When matters get very personal, objectivity flies out the window. My parents can have queer friends, but not a queer child, and that is indeed very sad and not at all uncommon.
Like so many queer people, I’ve had to build a chosen family outside of my biological one.
My path is not easy. From the time I came out as bisexual when I was 17 to the slow process of acknowledging my gender identity, the journey has been lonely at times and frequently painful.
But I wouldn’t wish who I am away for the sake of prejudice. I’ve devoted too much time to this process.
I extend a plea for understanding and compassion for people like me. We’re no different than you.
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Kevin Camp (they/them) spent nearly a decade in Washington, DC, as a blogger for Daily Kos and a jack of all trades at a small PAC allied with the liberal wing of the Democratic party. These days, they write short fiction pieces and review self-published books in partnership with a public relations firm.