Good Faith Media just finished recording the second season of the Free Mom Hugs podcast, “Pride 365: Out for Equality.” One episode featured co-hosts Sara Cunningham and Katrina Kalb visiting with singer/songwriter Jennifer Knapp.
Knapp was an award-winning Christian artist in the 1990s and 2000s but gained notoriety in 2010 when she revealed she was in a same-sex relationship. During the “Pride 365” interview, Cunningham and Kalb asked the artist about her song “Fallen.”
The music and lyrics of “Fallen” are heart-wrenching and inspiring. Knapp sings about how the Christian church considered her “fallen” from faith, but at the same time, she was “falling” in love with her partner. Her opening line says it all: “Even though they say we have fallen; Doesn’t mean that I won’t do it twice; Given every second chance; I’d choose again to be with you tonight.”
Knapp’s use of “fallen” as a double meaning reminded me of my own faith journey. For decades, I have explored faith as a discipline, engaging and learning with each lesson. I’ve never considered my exploration of faith an attempt to learn about God, but more so, a journey with God.
For centuries, Christianity created faith as a discipline to learn about, but not necessarily experience. Historical theologians convinced us that experience was too dangerous because feelings guided it. The church was told that feelings could change, making an experiential faith too unstable for those seeking certainty for themselves and solidifying control over others.
Abandoned was the way of Jesus, who invited people into a relationship. Jesus never really quizzed anyone over their belief systems or worldviews but extended a hand of fellowship with the words, “Follow me.” His invitation was more about experience and feeling than any rational conclusion a person could make regarding Jesus’ doctrinal positions.
Jesus certainly had doctrinal beliefs, but he sure seemed to let his actions speak louder than his words. Therefore, Jesus appeared more driven by experience and feeling than doctrinal ideas. He declared in Mark 2:27: “The Sabbath was made for humankind and not humankind for the Sabbath.”
Unfortunately, over the years, faith based on experience and feeling has been replaced with doctrinal accountability in much of the church. Faith is defined by the correct beliefs established by patriarchal power and less by the experiences people encounter (unless those experiences lead to the “right” beliefs).
For me, I have recently struggled with a faith based upon a correct set of beliefs because, quite frankly, Christian beliefs have changed over time (and in many ways for the good, but also for the bad). In addition, doctrinal beliefs have been used by those in power as tools for conquest, conformity, and control.
Under this guise, a person or group must demonstrate the correct beliefs in order to be accepted by God and the community. And who gets to decide those correct beliefs? It’s usually the powerful patriarchy.
Here is where Knapp’s lyrics resonate.
As I have moved further away from a belief-centric faith, I feel more and more like I have fallen from my religion. It feels like I’ve been living the lyrics of the 1991 R.E.M. song “Losing My Religion.”
The chorus is so relatable: “That’s me in the corner; That’s me in the spot-light; Losing my religion; Trying to keep up with you; And I don’t know if I can do it; Oh no I’ve said too much; I haven’t said enough.” I feel these words to my core. Leaving the religion of my past is scary, but it’s also so rewarding.
However, as I have departed from a belief-centric faith, I have entered a more experiential faith filled with love, justice and freedom. It’s a faith built upon a relationship with my creator and fellow humans. Instead of being centered on doctrinal beliefs, my faith centers around relationships, advocating love, justice, and freedom for all.
I still consider myself a Jesus follower, but in the truest sense of the term. His invitation to follow him was also an invitation to depart my old religion.
Following Jesus means leaving behind those things that hold us back, and my belief-centric religion was holding me back. Jesus does not ask us to take a doctrinal quiz to follow him but invites us to love and to be loved.
His great commandment reveals the significance of an experiential faith: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). “Love God, love others, and love yourself,” is the heart of an experiential faith and breaks down the entirety of beliefs into one action— LOVE.
Thinking and believing this way may cause some to say I have fallen from the faith, but just to reassure everyone, my new experiential faith means I have fallen more in love with Jesus and my fellow humans.