If there’s one thing about ministry I would shout from the rooftops to anyone and everyone who would listen, it would be to “be you.” Not doing so costs too much.
The only person you really need to listen to is yourself. Listening to others matters, but not when it comes to who you are. I know because I nearly lost myself having to shrink down to a size they can stand.
They told me to stay still and not fidget. I fidgeted anyway.
They told me not to stand up for myself and just take the blame for others. I spoke out anyway, refusing to believe I was the problem.
They told me I couldn’t get into college because I was too stupid. I got into Campbell University and graduated with a 4.0 anyway.
They told me I couldn’t be a pastor because I was a woman. I went to divinity school and got ordained anyway.
They told me I was crazy because they couldn’t diagnose me and ignored my concerns. After three years, I found the actual diagnosis and got my body regulated again anyway.
They told me to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, but I gladly share them anyway.
They told me not to go into ministry because I could not make enough money. I am financially supporting myself and at the beginning of my career anyway.
They told me I could not be a chaplain. I completed a full unit of CPE and will complete a residency anyway.
They told me to tone myself down. I boldly speak whatever needs to be said anyway.
They told me to dress differently or act like a “proper woman.” I do not wear makeup or follow unrealistic feminine standards anyway.
They told me not to be bold and stay quiet. I am writing this article anyway.
They told me not to take up space or get excited, but I preach and teach from whatever emotion comes anyway.
They told me to change my facial expressions, but I refused to fake my expressions to make others comfortable anyway.
They told me I couldn’t make my own decisions about my body. I choose to follow my natural behaviors and have full capability to choose treatment from doctors anyway.
They told me to stop asking questions and to believe the lies. I ask lots of questions and call people out when I see something shady anyway.
If I had listened, then I would have gone into a field I hated and died on the inside. I would have been a fake person with no connection to God and the dream I had since I was twelve would have never happened.
No matter where you go or at what position, there will always be those who don’t want you to grow. People will feed you lies and excuses to stop you.
They sometimes want you to stay where you are because, if you don’t, they will also have to move and grow. When encountering this, don’t get lost in the gaslighting.
There will always be those who doubt and project their fears on you. Because you have something they don’t, the ambition to try and be yourself.
I struggled with trying to listen to these voices from family, friends and strangers. Recently, I stopped listening to them. When it comes to me, I only believe what I know myself to be.
Don’t believe the temptation or the distraction from the dark. Follow the voice in the light that matches your own heart.
So, who are you listening to? Are you listening to God and yourself? Or are you listening to the limited, disqualified opinions of others?
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A current Master of Divinity student at Campbell University Divinity School.
